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Ok, so today i must have had more social interaction with my car than an actual person. I feel really unloved in my house for 3 reasons.

1) i'm alone a lot.
2) when my parents are here, they don't seem to want me in the way of their stuff. (tv and ...well more tv frankly)
3) they fight on the weekends, so i actually hate fridays because i can't get away from their infantile actions for about 24 hours.

Thank god for friends. decepticon05 an xxakuxx, thanks. I really mean it. You guys make my days better. and slashbluedog. who is my best guy friend.

my life is like being stuck in a fun house without the fun ever really showing up.

and it's not like i can open up about my feelings to them, cuz it ends up looking like weakness. maybe that's why i like the rain. because i can cry an no one can tell the difference between the rain drops and tears...

i'm used to being so strong, why should i show weakness? no one wants a weak person, or a feeble minded girl. part of me just wants to enclose my heart in ice and metal, where no one can get to it... another part wants to open it and set free all the feelings... and yet another just want's it to stop. it never specifies what, but it screams for it every time a fight occurs. I don't know why, but i find solace in the sound of water. Anything water. Rain, waterfalls, even the shower. I wonder often if you could erase scars, what would be left? just skin ready to be blemished again? or perhaps just another scar?

And i often dream of what it's like to fly. Just to hear the wind roar and nothing more. blocking out every sound imaginable. Birds are so lucky, they get to fly away and no one may ever see them again. I'm not a coward, but i do envy them whenever i see those wings flap.

well, i just wanted to get that out.

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